I’ve been MIA for the past few weeks because I find it difficult to push past perfect. Ya see, my last post was undeniably my best one yet (in my humble opinion), and I find it so aggravatingly hard to follow that up! How am I supposed to do better than myself! …Granted, it was me who wrote the post so, logically, I should be able to do the same quality of work – if not better! – in the future. Yet somehow my mind just freaks out on me and says I won’t ever do that well again! Whyyyy.
Why does my mind race to the conclusion that my greatest performances are a fluke? Telling me that my best work is a result of weird timing + caffeine + pixie dust + miraculous (never before and never to happen again) insight. Is it fear? Is it bad self-esteem? Do I have such an awful comparison issue that I compare my worst to my best and come up short? (And I thought I needed Instagram to depressively compare myself to others, ha!)
I think that one of the only ways to get past my fear is to push past the perfection. Even if I’m terr-i-fied. No negative self-talk, Mik, just puuuuuuush – like having a baby.
I have to stop badgering myself with expectations like: Your post has to…
- be funnier than the other one.
- be as long as the other one.
- connect with people more.
- be more vulnerable.
In a nutshell, I have to push past my desperation to outshine myself. Otherwise, I’ll dub myself a failure. Which is so illogical!
I’m not a failure for making a shorter blog post, or a less humorous one, or one that doesn’t connect with as many people, or even one that gives everyone the cold shoulder emotionally. This blog post, like all the past and future ones, are supposed to be an example of how God is working in me.
Me – a prideful, controlling, shy, judgmental, imperfect gal who really wants to live for Christ. Howeverrrr, I also want to be this outgoing, wise, loving comedian who people look up to because I’m just such a good role model. Whoop! There it is!
In my unnecessarily burdensome expectations, I’ve found myself trying to serve two masters. I try to serve God (who has a plan for this world and all the people in it) and I try to serve myself (who has a plan for herself…to help herself…even while it will probably only hurt herself – *coughcough* because we all know being cool doesn’t fill that hole in your heart).
Here’s the low-down that we’ve all probably heard before but, at least I, somehow keep missing: God’s plan for you is better than your plan for you.
Let’s see that again!
God’s plan for you is better than your plan for you!
Being “perfect” is a bad plan. Our best possible plan would be to follow God’s will and seek His direction in our lives as closely as we can. Do that and our hearts will find peace amidst all the need-to-be-perfect jitters.
Me and my plan: I have to write this post perfectly or my 5 readers (hi mom!) will ditch me!
Me giving in to God’s plan: Write the post. Pray God will be glorified and not me. Hit publish. Gimme those good peaceful feels.
“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other…” Matthew 6:24
I don’t want to be so self-seeking that I choose serving myself over serving God. I know that it happens a lot, but I’ll continue to work on it. Starting with pushing past perfect and writing this post.
How about you? Have you ever driven yourself crazy trying to be perfect in some area of life?